Sylas

Finding the words to begin this post is almost impossible. ME not having words is hard to believe but truly, this of which I'm writing is not only the hardest thing I've ever done but truly a moment that changed my life forever. In writing it down I feel like I'm processing the day a little more and hopefully able to continue to practice the feelings and emotions that I left with that day.
Through a series of events I arrived at Choc Hospital around noon on Sunday March 20 to photograph the life and death of Baby Sylas. 
Yes I said "death."
4 Month old Baby Sylas would be going home to meet Jesus, but before that happened, Jacquelyn & Greg wanted to take some photos of their family one last time. 

I waited in the Ronald Mcdonald House while Born family friends filled me in on each heart wrenching detail. 

 ...Baby Sylas was found unconscious on Friday afternoon and they've been at Choc ever since. Just two days ago this happened!!! 


...James (Sylas' Big Brother) would be arriving at the hospital shortly to say "goodbye" to his brother. 
Sweet little, not even 3 year old James would be read a book entitled "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an Angel instead"!!!

The next few hours were the hardest few hours of my life. I've never watched someone grieve the loss of a child. It's devastating. It's crushing. It's painfully awful to watch. I just kept thinking, this is hard for me! I can only imagine how hard this was for Greg & Jacquie

I started off by just photographing Jacquie and Greg with Sylas...

watching two parents listen to their son's heartbeat for the last time broke my heart...

but then, time stood still. and Greg Smiled.

after time with just Sylas they would bring James in. I was dreading this part. I was dreading it because I guessed that they would lose their composure. That's what I would have done. But they didn't. In fact what happened was another moment when time just stopped.

 They smiled. They laughed. They loved on this beautiful little boy who was soon to be their only. they kept their composure. And I was blown away by how amazingly strong they were.

 James  represented hope. A reason to go on. His little soul will I'm sure help his parents more then he'll ever know. His smile will breathe life into Greg & Jacquelyn when nothing else can.

  I can still hear James' voice saying... "Goodbye Sylas. I love you Sylas."

After James left there were more tears. hugging. feet and hand prints. a beautiful prayer and a time of loss. 

I hugged Jacquelyn and Greg and told them I was sorry for their loss. But these words seemed meaningless.
I left the hospital with so much emotion. I was thankful for my babies. Felt guilty that they were healthy. Felt sad that I had taken Elle for granted so many times. Prayed to God that I never had to experience what I just witnessed. Prayed that God would take away the pain this family was feeling. Prayed for healing.
Then once again, something unexpected happened. I realized at some point during my drive home that I am not nearly appreciative enough of my life. My daughter. My son. My husband. My life. I vowed to change my heart that day. To try harder to live each day as if it was the last.
I hugged my kids a lot tighter that night and about the time I was doing that, Baby Sylas went home to heaven.
Greg & Jacquelyn, thank you choosing me. Thank you for showing me strength and thank you for reminding me that I should NEVER take anything for granted. My prayers for you are for healing and happiness. My prayers is James will be your hope and what keeps you going on days when it feels to hard. My prayer is that God shows you wonderful amazing things out of the loss of Sylas. 
God Bless you Born Family.
Love,
LL


if you would like to donate money to the Born Family click on the link below...
http://babysylas.chipin.com/the-born-family